Abstinence vs. Recovery: Recognizing Relapse Behavior
Abstinence is essentially an alcohol diet, whereas recovery
is a healthy lifelong change of how you think, act and feel. When you first
abstain from drinking, the goal is solely to not pick up a bottle that day. It
is a hugely vital step but does not guarantee that any of the other behavior
associated with your addiction has been changed; this concept is often referred
to by the term “dry drunk,” and refers to a person who has stopped drinking
alcohol but still exhibits maladaptive, confrontational addict behavior.
This type of thinking and behavior are important to
recognize because they go hand-in-hand with drinking and indicate the
likelihood of a forthcoming relapse. So, how do you recognize this relapse
behavior? Here are some examples:
Pursuing recovery with less energy than you pursued getting
drunk: if you can drive thirty minutes to an open liquor store each night, you
can find the time to make an AA meeting
Dishonesty: to friends, to strangers, to yourself. Lying
and/or manipulation are principle addict behaviors.
Needing to be right: there’s always two ways to look at
something, and your way won’t always be the right one.
Over-generalizing: “you never…,” “you always…,” etc. Keep in
mind that no person and no thing are all good or all bad.
Self-pity or Overconfidence: One makes you believe you’ll
never get better and the other tells you that you already are. Letting up on
your commitment to recovery due to either can lead to relapse.
Exhaustion: Self-care is vital during recovery because when
you feel well and look well, you are much more likely to think well.
Unrealistic Expectations: Nothing will change overnight- not
you and not the people around you so give everyone, yourself included, a chance
to adjust to the changes you’re making in your life.
There are countless other behaviors that indicate you might
be struggling to move forward in recovery or are heading for a relapse, so be
mindful of your own actions as well; what do you find yourself doing when you
relapse? What negative thinking do you experience before you get the urge to
drink? When you communicate, what creates conflict and what creates resolution?
Saying Goodbye to Old Friends and Hello to New Ones:
Unfortunately, the friends who you were closest to prior to
getting clean may also be the worst ones to be around when you are trying to
stay sober. After spending time segregated from the social world while focusing
on your treatment, many people instinctively look forward to reconnecting with
friends. Think about what kind of activities you did with them and consider
these questions; do they socialize without alcohol? Have you ever spent time
with them sober? Do they support your recovery?
If the answers to these questions are yes, you are very
lucky. Sadly, and very often, the people you socialized with while drinking may
not understand your sobriety, support it, or be able to stop themselves from
indulging when you are around. Thus, by being around them you are putting your
own recovery at risk. Just remember your triggers- being in places you used to
drink, with friends you used to drink with, or around others consuming alcohol
are extremely common triggers for relapse.
Keep in mind an old cliché: “If you sit in a barber shop for
long enough, eventually you’re going to get a haircut.” This essentially
explains the theory that you may feel strong enough to hang around old drinking
buddies or bars, but eventually you’re going to have a drink.
Because avoiding these triggers are so important but also
potentially lonely, do your best to create new friendships outside the context
of alcohol. The idea of making friends at this point in your life may seem odd
and awkward, but take comfort in the reality that every single person who wants
to get clean (and many who don’t) go through a similar feeling of isolation and
loneliness.
Seek socializations outside the context of alcohol and be
creative; book clubs, adult education classes, recreational sports leagues,
your place of worship and AA are all great places to meet new people and keep
your mind occupied. Reach out to acquaintances that aren’t habitual drinkers
and build on those already-existing connections. But mostly, understand that
sober social supports are an absolutely vital component of recovery and even
though isolating may feel more comfortable, making social connections is what
will help you the most in the long run.
Finding Sober Support:
Opening yourself up to a fellow non-professional,
like-minded addict can seem very unnecessary and scary- that’s a completely
normal feeling. But picture the tough times when all you want is a drink and
with no one to call who can convince you otherwise, you relapse. By increasing
the sober support in your life, there is always someone to call. Though many
cities have individual sober groups, here are a few universal options for
finding sober support.
Get a sponsor: A sponsor is a personal support and mentor
for you as you go through those same experiences. If you decide to get involved
with AA, finding a sponsor is a common practice and easy to do after you begin
making connections with people at meetings but can also be found through
various other sober groups.
Coping Strategies:
Urges and cravings are a reality of sobriety and recovery,
but there are many coping skills you can incorporate into your life to ease
them. Here are a small number to consider:
Avoid environmental triggers: throw out liquor bottles, walk
a different way to avoid the liquor store, don’t go to a party where alcohol is
being served, etc.
When you feel an urge, tell yourself you can wait an hour,
and then another: urges always pass in time. Distract yourself with an activity: take a walk, go to the
gym, write in a journal, read recovery literature, do a puzzle, etc.
Reach out to supports: call a friend or family member, go to
a self-help (AA) meeting
Substitute the urge with another feeling: chew gum, drink
sparkling water, etc.
Boost your self-esteem.
Give yourself three compliments every day and be specific-
“I was a good friend to John today” or “I handled that rude woman at the
supermarket really well by staying calm.”
Make a list of the things you’re good at reaffirm your recovery:
“A year from now I…”
“It’s getting easier for me to…”
“Something I see differently now is…”
“One of the ways I’m changing is…”
Keep in mind that different coping strategies will be
relevant at different points in your recovery. For example, avoiding parties
with alcohol may not be a long-term requirement but is probably a safe bet for
the beginning of your sobriety, whereas journaling can be a lifelong support.
What you can or cannot handle is a personal decision, so being honest with
yourself is the most important thing you can do in recovery.
Despite all of this advice, the reality is that staying
clean is hard and recovery is a never-ending process. Plus, relapse is often a
part of recovery, so don’t give up if a slip-up happens; make realistic goals,
be fair to yourself, and remember that every single progression and obstacle
you experience in the rehabilitation process is a lesson worth learning. A
relapse means that at one point you were sober, so take the positive and use it
again. It also means that something didn’t work, giving you a chance to change
your plan and better your recovery for the future.
Above all, be proud of yourself for going forward with this
step and cherish the strength that it takes. Good luck!
0 comments:
Post a Comment